Decision Making... How do you know you made the right decision?
I recently announced that I was leaving my current direct sales company and the most commonly asked question was “How did you know it was the right decision”. Ironically, the “how did you know” was the same question I frequently got when I decided to move across the country.
Here’s something you need to know about me. I can’t make a decision to save my life. Literally. Nine times out of ten, if asked to chose, I will select what I think will make you happiest. Making decisions are really hard because I so very much value the opinions of others; perhaps a little too much.
Here’s something else that may be helpful to know. The times I’ve independently made the largest decisions of my life, I was in therapy. You’ve all seen the Iceberg Illusion, pictured below, where what you see on the surface doesn’t always represent what’s down below. Well, that holds true for my decision making process. When I decided to move, as well as recently when I decided to leave my direct sales company, people quickly said “where’d that come from” or my favorite “that seems a little impulsive”. But what they didn’t see is the months of work put into making that decision.
So, how do you know when a decision is the right one? Here are some quick tips that have helped me immensely.
When you can’t stop thinking about it.
The thought to move across the country literally became an obsession. It consumed me. I poured all of my time, energy, and attention into planning and researching the move. When something consumes you, pay attention. Trust your gut. Trust your instincts. Trust that your body is trying to tell you something.
Pray about it.
If your the religious type, this one is easy for you. If your like me... this step makes no sense. I used to get really frustrated when people told me to pray about it, because it didn’t make sense to me. God doesn’t talk to me. Phew, boy was I wrong. So... here’s a different way to phrase it that may make more sense. Watch for the signs. Just be open to the universe sending you messages. Through text, through people, through things. It is all around. God has never spoken to me more clearly than through these two major decisions. Or maybe it was that I was willing to listen. Either way, call it God, the universe, or a sign.. you’ll get it.
Listen to how you feel.
We live in a world that teaches us feelings are bad, to be ashamed about them, or to not have them. STOP LISTENING TO THAT! Your feelings exist for a reason and it’s so important to give voice to that. To honor them. If something makes you anxious, angry, stressed more then it brings you joy- listen to those feelings. If something ignites a spark inside of you that’s long been missing, listen to it. If a place no longer feels safe or worst yet, feels toxic, pay attention.
Are you able to make the decision on your own?
Yep, I said it. When you are looking for guidance from others; when you are seeking reassurance, it’s not yet time. Remember, I’m the girl that can’t make a decision so I GET IT! Truth is, three months ago I asked my therapist to make the decision for me. I wasn’t ready. It’s not until you can make the decision on your own, without the influence, or permission of others, can you truly make the decision.
Back to feelings. How do you feel once you made the decision?
Finally, when you believe that you’ve made the decision, on your own, how do you feel? I know that a decision is right when I make it on my own, and the feelings it brings me. Joy, excitement, peace... that peace is a BIG one. Peace and confidence are the two feelings I was overwhelmed with when making my most recent big decision. Those feelings brought the reassurance I was looking for.
Making big decisions aren’t easy, but it is necessary. The other thing to consider is YOU. Making yourself a priority, setting boundaries, looking out for you... that all goes into play when making decisions. You have to be in a healthy place and understand the importance of self care... meaning wanting the best for you- not what others say is best for you. You know you, better than anyone else. I needed to walk away from a lot of people to be able to get healthy, put myself first, and decide what is healthy for me. It’s ok to be “selfish” in these moments. Reality is, my friend, no one will look out for you and take care of you like you can (and should) for yourself!
Keep watching for those signs, because weeks later, they are still coming. On the daily. I don’t need reassurance from a single person on if I made the right decision, because God is affirming me. Maybe it makes more sense to say the universe is sending me signs. Whatever it may be, they are there.
And, as the saying goes.... when one door closes, another opens. Stay tuned.... because something new is coming.